Changing Times

The last couple of weeks have been very agonizing. Somethings in life we want to change and others we don't and inevitably it is the exact opposite that happens. Two weeks ago tomorrow my Fiance's father passed away after a very long battle with non-hodkins lymphoma. He had done so well with everything that he faced, all the treatments including radiation and chemo and transplants and medications, that the thought that he would not perservere was not even really a thought...at least in my mind. Sure we all knew it was a possibility but I don't think we ever really thought it was a potential reality. It's a fine line between the two but there definetely was a line in the mental processing of it all.

Getting the call that he was really sick and that we needed to get there was horrible and watching him eventually die was agonizing. The pain I felt was out of compassion for Frank, hoping that he was feeling a sense of peace and that he was comfortable in the end and compassion for what my Fiance, his sister, and his mother must be feeling. It was hard knowing how much they must hurt and that there was little I could do to help. But I was glad I was there to witness the love that was in that room and to give and receive many hugs and kisses and lend support where I could. Dan's parents, Frank and Joyce, were married for almost 37 years and it was amazing to see the love with which Joyce reminded Frank how much she loved him and loved him so much that she was able to encourage him to let go and find the peace and comfort that he needed.

I am also immensely proud of how well Dan handled all of the events over the past two weeks and more. He will miss his dad immensely, but he remembers all the great things his dad meant to him and what he helped him become. He spoke very eloquently and strongly about his dad at the vigil service reminding everyone there that his dad's life had a stong and meaningful purpose and that his legacy will live on.

Losing a parent or a loved one is always difficult. My father passed away when I was 7 years old and I don't remember much about him and I don't know what I lost. But there is still pain there from his absence. The pain of losing someone you love never goes away but it isn't always so prevelant as it is right now. I pray that Dan, myself, and the rest of his family, are able to carry away the love that Frank gave all of us and continue on in his memory and make him proud. He will be greatly missed at our wedding in September and at every other family occasion for the rest of our lives.